Six individuals from Kazakhstan tell their stories in their own words:
Before I was diagnosed with HIV, I knew absolutely nothing about it. The only thing I had heard were in the lyrics of the [russian] band Combination - "AIDS - the plague of the 20th century" in the late 80's. Despite the fact that I had used drugs, I could not have imagined it would happen to me. I always thought that HIV was somewhere far away from here.
I got the diagnosis in February 2003, in the pre-trial detention center in Almaty. At that time, my feelings and thoughts were difficult to convey in words. The diagnosis sounded like a verdict. I was depressed and frightened. The fear was so strong that I didn't even hear the doctor. My whole life, like in a movie, scrolled in my head for a few seconds. The only thing I repeatedly asked the doctor - how much longer do I have to live? Even the fact that I had a long prison sentence was nothing to me. I thought that I was dying and I only had a few minutes left.
Most of the conversations with the doctors were just for the information that they needed. After a while, I realized that they were conducting an epidemiological investigation. After that, I went to my jail cell and thought about how people around me would accept me. My fears and experiences were in vain. After I told my cellmates everything, one man came up to me, reached out his hand and embraced me. He said, "do not worry, brother, everything will be fine." We all sat in a circle and began to drink tea. At that time, it was the warmest and strongest support. Just what I needed.
In the early days there were only thoughts of death and regret about how I had lived all that time. Every day I was mentally saying goodbye to everyone and the fact that I was behind bars, increased the severity - I did not have the opportunity to see my family. The first thing that occurred to me was to live the rest of my life "to the fullest." All this lasted until I began to receive at least some reliable information about life with HIV.
One of the first, and perhaps most significant moments of dealing with my diagnosis was meeting a man who was in my same situation. At the time of our meeting, this person had lived with HIV for about 10 years.
I realized that you can live with HIV, and from that moment on, good things started happening in my life. More and more bright thoughts began to come to me. Surprisingly, my life values began to change, what I did not appreciate before, did not understand, became important and valuable for me. One of the most important for me was the creation of a family - just the idea of this possibility. All this took a long time - it was very difficult to obtain the necessary and reliable information in the prison. It happened only when I was released, thanks to those people and organizations that work in this direction, all those who care. To this date, I'm trying to convey to people who have just learned their diagnosis, that not only you can, but also you must live a full life. And it is true you can live a normal life. And I wish that newly diagnosed people will take less time to realize this.
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Before my diagnosis, I thought that HIV was far away from Kazakhstan and no one here could really get infected. I also thought that people with HIV didn't live long.
In the rehabilitation center for addiction, I found out I was HIV positive. The AIDS Center doctor informed me about the diagnosis, gave me some brochures and that was it.... It was scary. For some reason I convinced myself I only had five years to live, and it was necessary to live my last years cheerfully and unforgettably!
I really needed support, and I got it from relatives. The first person I told about my diagnosis was my sister, since she was the closest to me. But I was afraid that she could get infected from me by living in the same home.
I then wondered what she felt when I confessed that I had HIV. Surprisingly, she was mostly worried about me because I told her I only had five years to live.
About three years later I accepted my diagnosis, I realized that I was not dying, and I began to learn to live with HIV.
Thanks to the diagnosis, I rethought my place in life, and I always try to inform people that after getting the diagnosis, nothing has changed in my life. For me, the acceptance of the diagnosis helped not only professional development, but also personal development.
I'm happy, I do all my favorite things, I have a loved one and a friendly family.
I learned how to live with HIV. I just need to be a little more careful about my health, take care of myself and love life! Overcome fear, believe in yourself and live !!!
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I was born in Ekibastuz, Kazakhstan. From 1986 to 2010 I lived in Turkmenistan. I have lived with HIV since 2011.
I found out my diagnosis when I applied for citizenship on my return to Kazakhstan - I needed a certificate from the AIDS Center. At first I didn’t believe it, I repeated the blood test several times. I was very upset. I thought this was the end of my life. I had heard about HIV, but didn’t have a clear idea of what it was. I thought it was somewhere far away and didn’t exist here. I didn’t think I could get infected.
The doctor calmed me down and explained - how to live with this, that it is not fatal, and that maybe in the future they will find a cure. At that moment, I needed support. First of all, I told my mother and my wife, my brothers and sisters, and the information stayed in this circle. They understood and accepted me, for which I am very grateful. At first it was hard, but I quickly got over it. But the thought of "where?" I couldn't stop thinking about. We are not all without sin. I think I either got infected through sexual contact or from a dental procedure. The depression lasted more than ten days.
When the doctor told me about the therapy I did not refuse, I started the medication. For myself, I decided that it's necessary to live. Now I know a lot about this. I believe that I am able to work and have the right to live. I know that we are like everyone else - HIV is transmitted only in three ways. I advise those who have just learned - not to lose faith and to take care of your health. Enjoy life and give joy. Research more information about HIV. Communicate with the people around you. I could write a lot more about this, but that's it for now. Happiness, health and love to all.
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I was diagnosed with HIV twelve years ago. I found out my status when I was convicted with large scale drug distribution and had to take a mandatory HIV/AIDS test before entering prison. Nobody really explained anything to me when my diagnosis was confirmed. There was no sympathy or support.
I think I got infected with a shared needle. I had been a drug user since I was 16 years old.
In prison, I learned how to draw and do tattoos. It's how I make my living today. My dream is to open a tattoo parlor.
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I came to a HIV self support group nine years ago. I learned how to live again step by step.
After some time in the self support group I got an offer to become a social worker. This work became the source of my inspiration and energy to help HIV positive people fight their fears and problems.
In 2015 I became the director of the same NGO I came to eight years ago as a social worker.
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Before I ran into HIV, I knew very little about it, practically nothing. I thought that this would never happen to me.
I wanted to go to a drug rehab clinic in 2006. I was told that it is necessary to make an HIV test. The moment they told me the results of the test, everything mixed up in my head - horror, confusion. I was told that I shouldn't be upset because it might be a mistake, it often happens. But soon after it was confirmed by repeated analyzes. It knocked me off my feet, I spat on everything and started using drugs again, without stopping. I thought, so what? There is no future.
At that moment, I needed support and understanding, but there was nobody to share my problem with. At first I did not tell anyone anything. I didn't know how to react to the diagnosis and kept everything to myself. This was very hard for me. Later, I decided to tell my sister and my father. They were shocked, but overall they were quite understanding. I immediately felt much easier, as if I had thrown off a load.
Until I accepted my diagnosis, I did not "live." At first I denied, but when I faced the facts, I began to blame myself and others. I was asking myself, "why has God punished me." Later I decided, in order to change something in your life, you need to change yourself.
I want to tell people that this is not the end, in my case this is the beginning of a new life. You just need to evaluate it, and it will give you many, many bright, wonderful and pleasant surprises!
text translated from Russian
[Big Thanks for your bravery and courage]
[Names withheld for privacy]
